2022 recap
It was the year my mother passed away.
It was the year my grandmother passed away.
It was the year my father accidentally ran over his dog, and she died too.
After Mom passed, my sister broke ties. We still barely hear from her.
Got in a fight with my brother after I asked him for money.
The Queen died too.
Jeez…
…
I passed all 4 of my college classes! :D
2 more semesters left if everything goes according to plan. Then I’ll be a real boy!
I worry about others. Even my dog. He’s getting weaker but still looks good. Student loans should let me get him some better care. We’ll see if I can hang onto the money or just spend it like last time… Like this time. I’m there right now. I have less than $20 to my name.
All this seems like I’d be sad. But I’ve never been happier. And I really mean that!
Of course, it feels good to be relieved of the burden of studying, but aside from that my house is clean, my friends are all healthy…I have friends! People I actually like, too!
I have a fireplace and, get this, the landlord is my GREAT buddy too!
God couldn’t write a better story for me. Well, He probably could if I would stay out of the way. But I digress…
I’m not perfect. In fact, I still have a lot of things that set me back. The money spending is one, the other is comfort-seeking and just wanting to laze about. Those don’t make me a bad person. I’m learning that. Throwing away the opportunity of free time on meaningless activities (Internet browsing was a baaaaaaaaaaad one this year), is at the very least…immoral? Unethical? Foolish? Reckless?
Reckless. That’s how my friend said it. Only we were talking about money. Same thing in my opinion.
The real pain is knowing how great I could be and then choosing (seemingly) to not reach that ideal. Not perfection, I mean with music, drawing, writing, and, above all, my studies. I really could knock it out of the park! When I put even the minimum effort into an assignment, I am super proud of what I make. Now imagine if I was able to do a rough draft and then a second or a third!?
I mean, that’s lofty, but there it is. It’s possible. And not even through nuclear fission or anything. Just literally me sitting down and doing my work. Wow.
This is a problem.
Tabled for later…
Back to 2022.
January 1 Mom went into the hospital. I saw her for the last time shortly thereafter and I started school.
I mean…I didn’t know it was the last time I’d see her at the time, right? So it sounds more dramatic than it is. Though it did weigh on me during my studies. In a way, it motivated me to focus up.
On Good Friday (April 15) while I was studying with my friend at my place, I took the call from Dad. I already knew something was amiss because, well, if you ever get a call from Dad, it’s usually something extremely important (which is another way of saying Dad rarely calls…)
He told me Mom had passed and a shock went through my body. I didn’t know what to say.
We had had a lot of positive support during the time Mom was in the hospital. The doctors and nurses attended to her and let us know that, in a case like hers, they never rule out the possibility of recovery. It shows how little we understand about these types of events.
Friends shared their own stories about family members having successful recoveries from aneurisms, but deep down, I knew that Mom passing away was a possibility. So, when it happened and Dad let me know the details, I felt, along with everything else, some relief.
It hurt so much to know she was never coming back. Like stepping off a cliff.
“But in our family”, I remember thinking, “we always come back!”
Dad got terribly sick a few times and came back to full strength, Mom had come back from her first aneurism all those years ago, and we had all seemingly been at death’s door more than once and come back from it.
And this was Mom after all! She’ll be okay, right!? Nothing ever keeps her down! She is always gonna “come back” from anything because we always come back!
But Mom wasn’t coming back. Not this time.
She was gone and finally at peace. Never to return to us and steady us in our journeys. No more late-night phone calls or talks at the kitchen table after dinner while the dishwasher ran through its cycle.
I’ll really miss you, Mom. You were the best Mom and I am proud you were my Mom. I will honour you in how I treat others for the rest of my life. You showed me the way. Thank you. I will always love you.
…
…
…
Mom was a preacher, really. Of new-age medicines, methods, and treatment. She really seemed to be the authority on the subject, and she loved sharing what she’d found with others. As for her family, I can say that her message was received. I feel that I understand my Mom’s message to the world and I find it touching that she was able to pass that information to me. I recognize her lifestyle in others throughout my world. It’s nice to see her in the faces, hairstyles, and voices of people around me. She is such a free spirit and had such a creative knack to her. I can feel her nurturing love through the hugs of my friend’s moms. :’)
New year in a few days. 2023 is all about me!
Ah no, just jokes. I actually feel better when I’m in service of others. Things just work out better. Seems that way anyway.
So here we are. Not in the exact same place as New Year’s Eve.
I’m 3 semesters into my 5-semester engineering program, my credit card debt is a small fraction of what it was, and my car is running great! My dog is healthy, I have great friends, and above all…
I’m sober.
Finding God through my community has helped me navigate the deep abyss of loss during this past year. I pray everyone can find this same support and peace for themselves - it came without price, shame, or guilt.
Thank you for reading.
Live free. Call your Mom
Trust God.
Merry Christmas!
Love,
David
